Dave Sim's blogandmail #326 (August 3rd, 2007)

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Fifteen Impossible Things to Believe Before Breakfast That Make You a Good Feminist

1. A mother who works a full-time job and delegates to strangers the raising of her children eight hours a day, five days a week does just as good a job as a mother who hand-rears her children full time.

2. It makes great sense for the government to pay 10 to 15,000 dollars a year to fund a daycare space for a child so its mother - who pays perhaps 2,000 dollars in taxes - can be a contributing member of society.

3. A woman's doctor has more of a valid claim to participate in the decision to abort a fetus than does the father of that fetus.

4. So long as a woman makes a decision after consulting with her doctor, she is incapable of making an unethical choice.

5. A car with two steering wheels, two gas pedals and two brakes drives more efficiently than a car with one steering wheel, one gas pedal and one brake which is why marriage should always be an equal partnership.

6. It is absolutely necessary for women to be allowed to join or participate fully in any gathering place for men, just as it is absolutely necessary that there be women only environments from which men are excluded.

7. Because it involves taking jobs away from men and giving them to women, affirmative action makes for a fairer and more just society.

8. It is important to have lower physical standards for women firepersons and women policepersons so that, one day, half of all firepersons and policepersons will be women, thus more effectively protecting the safety of the public.

9. Affirmative action at colleges and universities needs to be maintained now that more women than men are being enrolled, in order to keep from giving men an unfair advantage academically.

10. Having ensured that there is no environment for men where women don't belong (see no.6) it is important to have zero tolerance of any expression or action which any woman might regard as sexist to ensure greater freedom for everyone.

11. Only in a society which maintains a level of 95% of alimony and child support being paid by men to women can men and women be considered as equals.

12. An airline stewardess who earned $20,000 a year at the time that she married a baseball player earning $6 million a year is entitled, in the event of a divorce, to $3 million for each year of the marriage and probably more.

13. A man's opinions on how to rear and/or raise a child are invalid because he is not the child's mother. However, his financial obligation is greater because no woman gets pregnant by herself.

14. Disagreeing with any of these statements makes you anti-woman and/or a misogynist.

15. Legislature Seats must be allocated to women and women must be allowed to bypass the democratic winnowing process in order to guarantee female representation and, thereby, make democracy fairer.

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It's not really clear if Dean M. is an inmate or a practitioner but his request for a signed Sandman parody issue arrives on very nice Midlands Chiropractic Health Center ("A choice you will feel good about") card ("I have been in a comic-less void for the past decade + -- basically since the end of the Sandman series – so I have missed many of the quality books that remain out there. Your offer is very generous and appreciated. ") Oops, there's a little "DC" after his signature so he's a practitioner…a nice letter from Shannon P. of Birmingham, Alabama which will help me to fill up August 3:


Dear Dave Sim


I understand from Neil Gaiman's blog that you will give away a free signed copy of CEREBUS to anyone who writes and gives a reason for wanting a copy. He first blogged about it almost three years ago, but recently posted again stating that, as far as he knows, the offer still stands. So, in case the offer does still stand, I am giving it a try. The worst that will happen is that I will lose a single 41 cent stamp, with no return on my investment. Considering that I willingly spend over $30 a month to have email and internet access at some ridiculous speed, I don't think that the stamp is such a sacrifice.


I have a few reasons for requesting one of your comics. First, I'm writing just to see if it will work. When I was a teenager, it wasn't uncommon to get a chain letter. Sometimes it would promise good luck. Sometimes it would promise money; there was one chain letter I received which had five names on a numbered list. When you sent the letter on, you erased number five from the list and put your own name as number one. Then you sent number five a one-dollar bill. If the chain kept going and everyone who got it did the same thing, you were supposed to get a certain sum of money (I am not sure how much – I am bad at math and miserable at these particular types of equations).


At any rate, this never paid off for me, and I ended up feeling kind of like a sucker. I sent the dollar, but I never got anything back. I like the idea that maybe this time, I will write a letter and actually get something back.


Another reason for writing is that I grew up in the 80s when people actually did write letters. I used to write letters to my friends when I was a teenager, even though we could just call each other for free. We would write each other just for the joy of sending and receiving mail. Being teenaged girls, we would decorate the envelopes with drawings in pencil, colored pencil, crayon, and sometimes even paint. Our letters were also creative outlets.


I went to college in the early 90s, and had to write my friends then because THEY went away to college. Then midway through my college years, this thing called the internet came about, and the letters stopped coming. I was informed by one friend that I had better get an email address. She said she didn't write letters anymore ever since she got an email address. The implication was that we simply wouldn't be communicating unless I got email. I got an email address, and it was more convenient. But since that time, I miss getting letters in the mail instead of just bills and junk mail.


The only personal mail I ever get now is invitations to children's birthday parties and Christmas cards. So I like the idea of having to write an actual letter in order to get the comic. I like technology, but occasionally I have a little rebellious fit in which I declare that somehow we did without cell phones and email all throughout my youth, and it is possible to do without them now.


Finally, I'd like a copy because I've never read CEREBUS, and I'd like to look at an issue of it. My comic-book guy has recommended it to me a few times, and generally I trust his recommendations. I think I've just put it off because there are so many CEREBUS books, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to start on something so big. I've always felt like I would start reading them eventually, so now may be the time.


Considering that, I leave it to you to determine which issue to send me. I trust your judgment. If you would like to sign it as well, that would be very nice. Please send it to:


If the offer still stands, thank you very much for sending me an issue. If it does not, then I hope you enjoy this letter. I also hope that it does not break the rules for me to print the letter from a computer. I considered handwriting it, but I've been working as a technical writer for a few years now, a job that requires quite a lot of writing at a keyboard. As a result I hardly ever write in longhand anymore, and my handwriting has degraded terribly. Because I'm already writing to ask a favor of you, I didn't want to give you the added task of deciphering my handwriting. Thanks again, Shannon P.


P.S. Only after writing and printing this letter did I realize your address is in Canada. So the price is not 41 cents, but a dollar (as far as I can tell from the US Postal Service web site). I do not mind the price difference. Just thought I would make note of it, in case you wondered about the inconsistency between my letter and my envelope.


Burned for a dollar back in her teen years and still willing to stake a dollar on Neil's word that she'll get something for it this time. That's faith. So, Shannon P. wins the autographed comic AND a copy of THE CEREBUS WORLD TOUR BOOK 1995.


Then there's Randy W. of Indianapolis, IN who fills me in on some of his recent reading "Prior to that I tried to read Obama's book but could not stand it. What are we doing to do down here? We have an ass for an unelected president and NOBODY to vote for. The fix appears to be in. Send whatever good spirits you have this way." Well, okay, Randy, but you have to realize that I'm about ten steps to the RIGHT of George W. Bush so my "good spirits" aren't apt to be your cup of tea. He concludes, "I would like a copy of CEREBUS because…I am searching for something. Maybe it is in your book. You see, I have to return to work tomorrow after a week-long vacation, and I really don't like to go." Oh, hey. We've all been there. Hope you find what you're looking for in issue 164 (only 8 more left with Gerhard autographs on them and then it's time to crack open the box downstairs for solo Dave Sim autographs).


Chris B. of Brooklyn, NY informs me "You rock, dude!" Why, I haven't been told that I rock since…hmmm…that's right! Since the last time Neil posted the plug on his website.


B. Mitchell H. of Wheeling West Virginia writes, "HA! What a grand gesture. If the offer is still valid, I would like to nominate myself as a recipient. I have no outwardly deserving reason to offer as to why I should be so lucky, beyond that I am infatuated with stories, and wit and inside jokes. And that I would display the aforementioned comic in a place of honor once I was done reading it, as I think it would made for a good story in and of itself." So I signed his: to B. Mitchell H, Here in this place of honor. Please wipe the seat when finished. Thank you. Dave Sim and Gerhard.


Matthew E. of Erie, PA writes "The only work of yours that I have read is `Islam, My Islam' in which you highlighted many questions people should be asking, which I am in agreement with. This is a large reason I want the comic. Your ideas interest me and I wish to explore other areas of your work." I was going to send him the issue with "Tangent" but, nah, why give the guy a heart attack right off the top?


And then I got one from Christopher John Paul F., Southampton, Hampshire, UK. Since it's going to cost me a packet to send him one, I figure I've already discharged my obligation. Just enough time to get these all down to the post office in Market Square before my 3 o'clock prayer time and then another nap, I think. Three left with Gerhard signatures on them.


Tomorrow: When I wake up, back to my own mail



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REPLIES POSTED ON THE CEREBUS YAHOO! GROUP
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If you wish to contact Dave Sim, you can mail a letter (he does NOT receive emails) to:

Aardvark Vanaheim, Inc
P.O. Box 1674
Station C
Kitchener, Ontario, Canada N2G 4R2

Looking for a place to purchase Cerebus phonebooks? You can do so online through Win-Mill Productions -- producers of Following Cerebus. Convenient payment with PayPal:

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Or, you can check out Mars Import:

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Or ask your local retailer to order them for you through Diamond Comics distributors.