Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Dave Sim's blogandmail #29 (October 10th, 2006)

All this week! The Blog & Mail

[which has finally managed to calm down to a reasonable type size]

is brought to you by the last remaining

394 Diamondback Decks

How many will be left after the Yahoos have picked

over them? 380? 378?

All we know for sure is:

However many go up for auction

October 24 on eBay

That will be all of the remaining copies

ALL autographed by Dave Sim & Gerhard

"But I didn't DO

anything on these!"


I don't know if it's coincidental but starting this Blog & Mail has finally caused the mail to taper off dramatically. Maybe I've scared everyone back into the woods now that they can't be certain if parts of their letters are going to end up on the Internet. And I certainly apologize to everyone—including our next "contestant"—if that makes them uncomfortable. I really don't mean any offence by it. Most of the time it just seems like a good chance to publicize some things that might otherwise not get publicized.

Like Weird Crime Theater's first two issues which I just got in from Kumar Sivasubramanian (who I'll just be referring to as "Kumar" from now on for obvious reasons) in photocopied form. He called me a while back (a year ago? Year and a half ago?) from Australia where he lives to see if I was willing to let him use Cerebus in his second issue which, at the time, was going to be published by Dan Vado's Slave Labor Graphics (which was one of the reasons that I not only agreed but suggested that I draw Cerebus myself—I've never been published by Dan Vado before!). Kumar writes the book and does the digital lettering and Mulele Jarvis does the art and the digital sound effects. The Ultimate Warrior…The Consummate Field Agent…The Biggest Mistake in Government History…Weird Crime Theatre.

I tend to like the Ultimate Warrior the best—"Melissa the Conqueror"—a grade eleven Catholic high school girl who appears to be channelling Kull the Aquilonian or someone similar.

Principal: English is important, Melanie [no one gets her name right] Especially for you with that funny foreign accent.

Melissa: There is only the flesh and the steel. All else is prelude.

I think that's pretty funny. Or this from the second issue's "Dead Poets Society"

And then set down the feet of birds/On ground so blighted they daren't perch/Skies turn to autumnal hissing/The wind veers south into darkness/And men of rank and odor file forth./

Rage against the purple tetrahedrons!/The slicing egg nog octagon meat clips!/Forsooth the dimensional booby showers!/The mighty endomorphins of Stella's poochy/Flaying against the windshield of reality!/Boners of 14 year-olds heave and sob/And the world tumbles into darkness/Betrayed by the gates of God's own porky!!!

I think that's pretty funny, too. Of course it was kind of a sneak attack during Ramadan, but that's going to happen every once in a while. Like the next one

Teacher: Okay, now can anyone tell me where thunder comes from?

Class bitch: Melanie knows.

Teacher: Is that so? Well, then, Melanie, why don't you tell us?

Melissa: When the great god Krosis charges into battle in the heavens, he roars a cry of war so great that the earth dost shake with his fury and bolts of lightning from his vengeful wedding tackle are unleashed upon the land. So it is written in the ancient book of Eldanoth!

Teacher: [the class laughing uproariously] Book of the WHAT? Krosis THE WHO? Jesus Christ! Just what do they teach you kids in Attaxia, anyway? Here in America we teach our kids science, not any of this mumbo jumbo voodoo nonsense!

Teacher: Okay, class. Now, as EVERYONE knows, thunder is the sound of Little Baby Jesus crying when all the little boys and girls on earth have been naughty and interfering with themselves…

He had me laughing from the "vengeful wedding tackle" line on that one.

Anyway, it's always a fun experience to work on a cross-over cameo (Cerebus is in 14 panels over three pages) and then actually read it for the first time in context months later. As it says on the title page for issue 2: Cerebus pencilled, inked, lettered, adlibbed copyright, appears courtesy of and a very special thanks to Dave Sim. I basically wrote it as if it was a career move on Cerebus' part, alternating the dialogue with Cerebus' internal thoughts about the gig ("It's a minor role. But it's one that the critics and the other publishers are going to notice—you know, like Howard the Duck in Giant Size Man-Thing or John Travolta in Pulp Fiction").

Anyway, I guess Dan's decided to stand pat with what he's publishing right now at least for the time being and told Kumar to resubmit in another six months and feel free to show the project around to other publishers in the meantime. As Kumar writes "So, unfortunately, we're back to the submission – rejection – depression cycle for the time being" —which really seems to add a whole other layer of resonance to the gag. Not only can Cerebus only get a walk-on cameo these days the producers can't even get a distribution deal from a major studio! Makes Cerebus grateful for all his trade paperback royalties. Looks like Melissa will be back to waitressing for the time being.

Kumar's so desperate he's actually talking about self-publishing!

Anyway there's two issues "in the can" if any publishers out there are interested in taking a look over the next six months. THE Dan Vado at one time was VERY interested in the project. VERY interested.

Check it out at www.weirdcrimetheater.com or e-mail the guys at mail@weirdcrimetheater.com

All this week

(the THIRD week, so I've already hit the outer boundary

of all expectations

and can soon retire as the undefeated

Blog & Mail champion)

The Blog & Mail

Has been brought to you by the

Last 394 Remaining Diamondback Decks

Diamondback Decks!

You can't find a smaller market

to first corner and then absolutely dominate.

$10 each (plus $2) postage for the next two weeks at


with the remainder sold as a single item on eBay

October 24th

Autographed by Dave Sim & Gerhard

"But…I keep TELLING you—

I didn't DO anything on these."


(note: spoke to a very overworked Craig Miller this afternoon, and the link is up now!)



If you wish to contact Dave Sim, you can mail a letter (he does NOT receive emails) to:

Aardvark Vanaheim, Inc
P.O. Box 1674
Station C
Kitchener, Ontario, Canada N2G 4R2

Looking for a place to purchase Cerebus phonebooks? You can do so online through Win-Mill Productions -- producers of Following Cerebus. Convenient payment with PayPal:

Win-Mill Productions

Or, you can check out Mars Import:

Mars Import

Or ask your local retailer to order them for you through Diamond Comics distributors.