Dave Sim's blogandmail #336 (August 13th, 2007)

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Fifteen Impossible Things to Believe Before Breakfast That Make You a Good Feminist

1. A mother who works a full-time job and delegates to strangers the raising of her children eight hours a day, five days a week does just as good a job as a mother who hand-rears her children full time.

2. It makes great sense for the government to pay 10 to 15,000 dollars a year to fund a daycare space for a child so its mother - who pays perhaps 2,000 dollars in taxes - can be a contributing member of society.

3. A woman's doctor has more of a valid claim to participate in the decision to abort a fetus than does the father of that fetus.

4. So long as a woman makes a decision after consulting with her doctor, she is incapable of making an unethical choice.

5. A car with two steering wheels, two gas pedals and two brakes drives more efficiently than a car with one steering wheel, one gas pedal and one brake which is why marriage should always be an equal partnership.

6. It is absolutely necessary for women to be allowed to join or participate fully in any gathering place for men, just as it is absolutely necessary that there be women only environments from which men are excluded.

7. Because it involves taking jobs away from men and giving them to women, affirmative action makes for a fairer and more just society.

8. It is important to have lower physical standards for women firepersons and women policepersons so that, one day, half of all firepersons and policepersons will be women, thus more effectively protecting the safety of the public.

9. Affirmative action at colleges and universities needs to be maintained now that more women than men are being enrolled, in order to keep from giving men an unfair advantage academically.

10. Having ensured that there is no environment for men where women don't belong (see no.6) it is important to have zero tolerance of any expression or action which any woman might regard as sexist to ensure greater freedom for everyone.

11. Only in a society which maintains a level of 95% of alimony and child support being paid by men to women can men and women be considered as equals.

12. An airline stewardess who earned $20,000 a year at the time that she married a baseball player earning $6 million a year is entitled, in the event of a divorce, to $3 million for each year of the marriage and probably more.

13. A man's opinions on how to rear and/or raise a child are invalid because he is not the child's mother. However, his financial obligation is greater because no woman gets pregnant by herself.

14. Disagreeing with any of these statements makes you anti-woman and/or a misogynist.

15. Legislature Seats must be allocated to women and women must be allowed to bypass the democratic winnowing process in order to guarantee female representation and, thereby, make democracy fairer.

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Okay, yesterday's letter was dated 21 May and today is 25 July so I'm making some headway again. Just two months off the pace. Let's see if we can't find some shorter letters and responses here.


It was official. As of May 2 (back in time again) cerebusfangirl became the first person to order back issues from the revamped "back issues" section at www.cerebusart.com. At that point Jeff only had 89-161 posted. I think he must have the rest up there by now, possibly even including the Bi-weeklies since I've gotten a couple of Bi-weekly orders since then. Order with confidence using your paypal account.


Mark S's original letter requesting a Cerebus and Yoda sketch from March 3 (back back BACK in time, again!) and the FedEx waybill that finally got the second version of the sketch to him two months later (woosh – forward, forward, FORWARD in time again). Future archive divers: if you're looking for them, here's where they be.


Next up, a fellow with the unlikely name of Omaha Perez sends along his first foray into the comics field. This one dated May 2:


Dear Dave and Gerhard,


I've enclosed for your records a set of my HOLMES mini-series in which I've essentially re-cast Raoul Duke and Dr. Gonzo from FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS as Holmes and Watson.


I'm a great admirer of your work and I have subtly taken advantage of your free use policy of Cerebus. In issue 2, you will spot Cerebus in a couple of panels of Holmes' opium nightmare.


Anyway, I hope you enjoy the comics. I'm including a self-addressed stamped envelope in case you have any comments that you wouldn't mind me quoting from for an eventual (re-mastered) Trade Paperback edition.




I read the four-issue mini-series last night and it's certainly a funny idea and it does have its moments (the scratchboard covers on all four issues are great, for one thing – according to the promotional postcard the cover to issue #1 was included in the Society of Illustrators New York's 48th annual publication and exhibition) but I'd have to say that Omaha never quite pulls it all together on this one. He has a very stylized, angular way of drawing and inking that suddenly swerves into really astonishingly good impressionist effects (the last panel on page 17 of issue 3) but most of the time it just looks as if it isn't drawn very well. If you're going to go the impressionist route you need to keep all the edges and corners sharp and the line-work consistent. He has some shots of 18th century London and the British Museum that wouldn't be out of place in FROM HELL, but then he has some others that are very indifferently drawn, often within a few panels or pages of each other.


With an over-the-top idea – and Raoul Duke is as over-the-top as you can get -- you also need to keep up the pace with progressively more and more extreme sight gags. Holmes in the nude, tackling someone who has come about his classified ad (to the flat at 221B Baker Street which is inexplicably flooded with water) and when he stands up there's a hypodermic syringe sticking out of his neck which stays there, sticking out of his neck, as he attempts to carry on an intelligent conversation. That's funny. The visitor finally flees in terror ("Nice chap, if a bit strange"). That's the opening of issue 2 and Omaha never quite gets "up there" again, although I did laugh out loud at the opening page of issue 4.


Anyway, good idea putting Cerebus in there. That means at the very least you'll sell a copy each of issue 2 to Jeff and Margaret. $3.50 each from Omaha Perez PO Box 2013 Redondo Beach, CA 90278 or www.omahaperez.com. E-mail omaha@o-p-p.ws to join his mailing list.


Not sure if you can extract a good blurb from that, Mr. Perez, but feel free.


Here's a funny one from Elizabeth Bardawill from May 3.


Approximately a week ago, I finally met up with Lar DeSouza. He bore in his meaty mitts a rather large envelope. Despite being only an hour or so drive from his place since I moved to London last summer, it was the first time I'd been able to meet up with him and receive this mysterious giftie-thing he'd been hinting about for months and months and months – whenever he got the chance – knowing full well that my NOT knowing was going to annoy the hell out of me and I probably will still have the twitch to my dying day…but I digress.


It was THE FROST GIANT'S WEDGIE poster, so graciously signed by you, and for which I owe you a very, very, very overdue thank you.


You're quite welcome, Elizabeth.


Next up, Oliver Simonsen, wishing me a Happy Birthday. I think that's sometime in mid-May, so we're making progress again.


I hope you are doing well: I've been enjoying your blog -- especially those concerning time management (which I spend my precious time reading. Ha Ha). It's nice to know you're mortal – as it would seem someone capable of putting out 300 issues of CEREBUS had the power to make time stand still.


Here at www.cerebus3d.com things are moving along: we are now entering the actual animation phase of our project. What remains of virtual models to be done can be made simultaneously.


I'm dipping my feet into comics again for the first time since I did "Captain Zap". My outing this time around is called SCI-FI MUMBO JUMBO QUARTERLY. Despite the market conditions there are a few reasons why I think it might work. I'm selling it as a more progressive alternative to the sci-fi mag HEAVY METAL. Each issue contains on-going continuing stories, so that each creator only has to supply 1-5 pages each quarter. Additional space will contain interviews, reviews & reports. I'll also supply "filler" comics, as you see an assortment of enclosed with this letter.


The idea is that any contributing artist gets paid percentage-wise according to the page count of his/her contribution (not counting my "filler" comics nor any non-comics pages) of any profits after basic printing and shipping costs.


As you'll note there are two comic pages for COMIC BOOK LEGAL DEFENCE FUND – they'll be included percentage-wise: which all proceeds of will be donated to CBLDF.


Right now, I'm just collecting tentative "yeses" from artists and we'll take it from there. It's quite possible nobody will contribute and the first issue will just contain my stories (which will all connect!) – or maybe just one additional page from an artist in which case he/she will take all the profits (assuming there are any). I'm sure there is a way to set this up transparency-wise.


This could be a good way to test the waters with a creation. In any case, I'd be beside myself with honor if you'd even consider it. Anyway, I'm sure you wouldn't consider it…again, I hope all is well and that you have a wonderful birthday (also did you know May 17 is Norwegian Independence Day? I lived there for a while).


I'm afraid my mind really doesn't run along science fiction lines, Oliver, but good luck with this. I liked the strip with Captain Zap and his robot:


ROBOT: So she dumped you, huh?

CAPTAIN ZAP: Said I loved my computerized devices more than her. Maybe it was the nickname I gave you.

ROBOT: "Cuddlecakes"? What's wrong with that?

CAPTAIN ZAP: I don't know. I don't know.


Tomorrow: SPUD and HARRY. THEY'RE ALWAYS SPUD AND HARRY. THEY SOMETIMES HAVE THEIR LITTLE SPATS…EVEN FIGHT LIKE DOGS AND CATS…BUT WHEN THEY NEED EACH OTHER, THAT'S WHEN THEY'RE SPUD AND HARRY!


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If you wish to contact Dave Sim, you can mail a letter (he does NOT receive emails) to:

Aardvark Vanaheim, Inc
P.O. Box 1674
Station C
Kitchener, Ontario, Canada N2G 4R2

Looking for a place to purchase Cerebus phonebooks? You can do so online through Win-Mill Productions -- producers of Following Cerebus. Convenient payment with PayPal:

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Or, you can check out Mars Import:

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Or ask your local retailer to order them for you through Diamond Comics distributors.