Dave Sim's blogandmail #434 (November 19th, 2007)
Fifteen Impossible Things to Believe Before Breakfast That Make You a Good Feminist
1. A mother who works a full-time job and delegates to strangers the raising of her children eight hours a day, five days a week does just as good a job as a mother who hand-rears her children full time.
2. It makes great sense for the government to pay 10 to 15,000 dollars a year to fund a daycare space for a child so its mother - who pays perhaps 2,000 dollars in taxes - can be a contributing member of society.
3. A woman's doctor has more of a valid claim to participate in the decision to abort a fetus than does the father of that fetus.
4. So long as a woman makes a decision after consulting with her doctor, she is incapable of making an unethical choice.
5. A car with two steering wheels, two gas pedals and two brakes drives more efficiently than a car with one steering wheel, one gas pedal and one brake which is why marriage should always be an equal partnership.
6. It is absolutely necessary for women to be allowed to join or participate fully in any gathering place for men, just as it is absolutely necessary that there be women only environments from which men are excluded.
7. Because it involves taking jobs away from men and giving them to women, affirmative action makes for a fairer and more just society.
8. It is important to have lower physical standards for women firepersons and women policepersons so that, one day, half of all firepersons and policepersons will be women, thus more effectively protecting the safety of the public.
9. Affirmative action at colleges and universities needs to be maintained now that more women than men are being enrolled, in order to keep from giving men an unfair advantage academically.
10. Having ensured that there is no environment for men where women don't belong (see no.6) it is important to have zero tolerance of any expression or action which any woman might regard as sexist to ensure greater freedom for everyone.
11. Only in a society which maintains a level of 95% of alimony and child support being paid by men to women can men and women be considered as equals.
12. An airline stewardess who earned $20,000 a year at the time that she married a baseball player earning $6 million a year is entitled, in the event of a divorce, to $3 million for each year of the marriage and probably more.
13. A man's opinions on how to rear and/or raise a child are invalid because he is not the child's mother. However, his financial obligation is greater because no woman gets pregnant by herself.
14. Disagreeing with any of these statements makes you anti-woman and/or a misogynist.
15. Legislature Seats must be allocated to women and women must be allowed to bypass the democratic winnowing process in order to guarantee female representation and, thereby, make democracy fairer.
What would a session of Blog & Mails be without poetry by Darrell Epp? I'd use the "day without Anita Bryant" line but I used that one last time.
after church a shivering junkie
curses me for looking at her.
she's lost her incisors and other
things. on the way home i see
the green on the leaves bleed
into red. a prayer just won't
come. the tap in the bathroom
never stops dripping like a
countdown to i wish i knew
what. i look under the bed for
dust bunnies and vampire bats.
For the Days
when nothing's done for the first time.
traffic's so slow even the
snails are passing me now. i'm late horny hungry. the
antenna's gone, my radio's
caught between two stations, heavy metal on one, tomorrow's
genocide on the other. I adjust
the dial like surgery, like it matters.
i know this song I know it from before—
you think you got it rough, said
the spider to the fly, try being a
calendar salesman in january.
The Pie in The Sky
both our dirty forks
lying in the sink their
to form a flattened x.
a room away after
playing naked twister
we dream of a road
leading to a city built on
a cloud where nobody
ever has to kiss a lover
goodbye since everything
Ask Your Pharmacist
it's the longest night of the year
and I need to hear her approaching
footsteps like a toothache needs a tooth.
i see an empty hotel room, the fact that
there's no record of the catastrophic
winter nights we spent there bothers me
more than world wars 1 and 2 put together.
i see a strange man holding a cup of coffee,
smiling at her with dazzling too-white teeth.
if only (big if) I could remember how to
spell xanax backwards, the gates might hold.
A dead skunk on the road split
in half by a truck delivering
citrus all the way from florida
the driver didn't even notice i
just get a glimpse between a
nano- and a split-second but
i can't stop thinking about the
millions of tiny insect ghouls
already rushing to the scene
of the crime and the children
left behind to grow up with
no daddy that's no picnic just
read the papers…--driving
requires a lot of concentration
i focus my eyes just
blink blink drive blink drive.
Saturn Ate His Children
The days bleed together, maybe if we'd given
them different names i might have had a chance.
we carpool together, the subdivision slows
us down. i turn to you and say, `do you often
find yourself thinking about saturn's rings?'
`um, not lately,' you say, without a trace of
mockery so polite it hurts, `why, what's up?'
so i risk it, i tell you about the day i found out
they weren't solid smooth discs you could walk
across but just pieces of ice and rock of random
sizes with irregular spaces between them, i can't
explain how disappointed i was it hurt so bad just
one more straw for the camel's back and what am
i gonna do with all this straw anyhow, my mouth
opens and just closes it's humiliating to even try,
sometimes. you say, `i think i know what you
mean.' hope rises. `you do?' `yeah' you say,
`i always thought i'd be rich by now, myself'
as we pull into the parking lot condors screaming
above us, no, not even, just a stupid discount 747.
how to walk, how to talk, how
to wear a suit, how to shoot,
film noir really can teach a man
everything he needs to know.
most folks say double indemnity
but i say out of the past; it makes
me sadder. it's sweet perfection
but a mystery nags, if i could ask
robert mitchum's character one
question it would be: why did you
so yearn to be joe average with
a stepford wife and a house in the
country, instead of remaining the
coolest hard-boiled dick
in the world? i don't understand.
why not just do what you're good
at? why not just be who you are?
Tomorrow: oh heck i don't
know. that's a month from
REPLIES POSTED ON THE CEREBUS YAHOO! GROUP
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Aardvark Vanaheim, Inc
P.O. Box 1674
Kitchener, Ontario, Canada N2G 4R2
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